Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I Woke Up Like This (Goddamn! Goddamn! Goddamn!)

I wake up lookin' this good
And I wouldn't change it if I could
And you can say what you want I'm the shit
I wish everyone could feel like this

So, this post is more about body image than fitness I suppose.  For most of my teenage years and through my 20s I struggled with self-esteem issues, insecurity, and my own body image.  I was never large until I got pregnant, but I just felt like I wasn't quite good enough. 

I'm not sure if it was having the kids, turning 30, or something else.  It could be the fact that I almost died (long story).  Also, when I was pregnant, I topped out at 210 so anything smaller than that felt very sexy.  They say that when one grows accustomed to being overweight they feel that way even when they lose the weight.  Perhaps I am suffering for the opposite syndrome.  One day I just woke up feeling very strong and extra sexy and not giving a f%@$!  Why did I care about other people and what they thought?  Do they pay my bills? They sure don't!  Will my husband still hit this?  Absolutely!  I know the kids sure don't care what I look like as long as they're taken care of. If you don't like it, don't look at it.  So simple.

I'm up about 10 pounds from my pre-baby weight (extra soft and curvy, lol).  With the exception of that week before my monthly visitor, I feel like Beyonce 90% of the time.  You should too!  How do you preserve your sexy?  How do you love your body?



Note from Becky:

This body image thing is rough. I grew up sorta average sized and normal looking. I wasn't picked on but I wasn't complimented either. My younger sister (just a grade younger) was the beautiful one, and I was used to it. I floated through high school largely invisible, and I thought that it was ok - better to be invisible to be picked on, I guess. 

College was better - I didn't wake up thinking I was J-Lo, but I didn't feel totally unfortunate looking either. That said, I hung out with insanely pretty girls and that's bound to have an impact on your self esteem. By the time I got through grad school, my self-esteem had hit an all time low and (like Natasha says above), I felt like I just wasn't enough... again.

The end of my 20s was a roller coaster of self-esteem issues. I had more low points than high, with only my time in New Orleans being a time when I felt "enough" - fit enough, pretty enough, smart enough, and fun enough for people to want to be around. Not sure what dropped it down again, but down it went... not recovering until I was in my 30s.

My 30s have been mostly great, especially since moving to California! I don't know when I woke up with the "I woke up like this" attitude Natasha describes above, but somewhere in there I definitely woke up like this - feeling great and embracing my own version of sexy. I mentioned in my selfie post that I've avoided the camera like the plague for years, and I have... it took a new friend and a new attitude to say screw it. I am enough. I may not be Beyonce, but I'm not the troll under the bridge either! Getting fit has nothing to do with vanity at this point... it's more about me doing me, and returning to a lifestyle I once loved and left behind. And if I end up looking like Jennifer Lopez by the end of this? Well, that's just a bonus I guess I'll have to live with :) 

I encourage each of you to find your "sexy." Find what it is about you that makes you YOU, and embrace it. Sure, maybe I could lose a few pounds. Yeah, I wish I could afford to go to a hair stylist in Beverly Hills too. And yes... I wish I wasn't getting those wrinkles in my face I'm seeing more and more of when I look in the mirror. But you know what? We only get one life. This is it. Embrace it, dammit. Life is too short to wish to be more when you're already enough!



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