Monday, July 10, 2017

Self Care, What is That???

Hellooooooooo!  It's been a little while eh?

So, "occasionally fit" doesn't even begin to describe the lack of activity and dedicated crap eating that I've been up to.  Some of it was enjoyable, some of it, not so much, but it's time to get back on track.  At school we completed an activity where we were supposed to write a letter to our future selves to remind us that we should be engaging in self care.  Well, sure enought, that shit came in the mail over the weekend and I've been doing such a poor job at it that I didn't even want to open it up.  This letter was well timed though, because I had been thinking of how to do better.  Five days of 12-14 hour shifts will do that for you.

They always say that you should put on your own mask before you try to help someone else with theirs.  Nowhere is this procedure more absent than at the hospital.  I have frankly been alarmed at the way that some of the hospital PAs and nurses work.  No wonder healthcare workers are in such poor shape!  High stress plus mostly sedentary work and long hours is no bueno.  It didn't take me long to look at that set up and say "Oh hell no!"  These people truly care about their patients and want to do a good job, but I can see burn out on the horizon.  How do we avoid this?  The only thing that I can think of is mindfulness and meditation.  If we try to take care of everyone, we won't be able to take care of anyone.  This is true personally and professionally.

So today, eveyone take a deep breath, take a long break, and step away from the McDonalds!  It's easy, and comforting in the moment, I know.  It's not a good long term survival strategy, IJS.  Oh, and the letter that I didn't want to open says this:

"Remember to keep time for yourself and your family and remember what's truly important."

Apparently my 6 weeks ago self was a little more in touch with reality than I have been these days. Here's  hoping that we can all come back to the middle, at least once a day, to gather our thoughts and renew ourselves for the next one.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Um... hi?

Hello, friends! I say that knowing that most of you have already forgotten about this blog. I blogged a lot between November and May, but given where my heart and head were during that time, I decided to not publish any of them. Writing is, and always has been, therapeutic for me... so sometimes it ends up being just for me. I'm sorry about that.

So, you might be asking yourself - What's been going on with Becky and Natasha? Well, Natasha has been treading water while trying to manage school, motherhood, and clinicals on her road to becoming a Phsician Assistant. Becky, on the other hand, has been working, traveling, and training, training, TRAINING! What does this mean? Let me fill you in.

Since the Lumiere's Challenge debacle in November, I have taken a bit of a running hiatus. The Lumiere's Challenge was incredibly humbling for me, but I'm glad I experienced it. And, in hindsight, I'm really glad I finished it. Running is such a mental game, and I'm pretty proud that I didn't give up after my fall. I do apologize for never following up with a better review about that race - I'll try to rectify that sooner than later.

Although I swore off races in 2017, I have completed a couple of races since Lumiere. I did a half-marathon relay with Maggie in December called "Santa to the Sea" that I really enjoyed. This fun Christmas-themed race took us from the farmlands of Oxnard to the Pacific coast. The city really came out to show their appreciation for the runners, and I ranked it as my second favorite for all of 2016. And despite not training for it, I nearly PR'd racing it! I haven't committed yet to doing it in 2017, but I'm teetering :)

I completed another easy 5K in Culver City in February (the Screenland 5K). It was just too cute to pass up, and I was able to get the Awesome Anushika to complete it with me. This was such a fun race! I also tricked Anushika into a rainy warm-up on the Culver City Stairs, so that was fun! If they have this race again in 2018, I'm totally there.

The rest of this year has been filled with hiking! I had the opportunity to lead or co-lead my hiking group for three group hikes this year, including hikes at Wind Wolves Preserve, Mill Creek Trail, and the Westridge-Canyonback Trail. While I served as the sweep guide for Wind Wolves and Westridge-Canyonback, I had great fun leading the pack through the many water crossings of the Mill Creek Trail. Leading, instead of sweeping, was so encouraging. Perhaps I'm not as slow as I always claim to be?

Hiking through the springtime greens of Wind Wolves with GWHLA

Watching the back of the pack at Westridge-Canyonback 

Leading the girls through my favorite hike in Kern County - Mill Creek!

I have hiked at least once/week for the entirety of 2017 so far, and I have loved every single step. I grew up with parents love to hike and spend time outdoors, so I guess you could say it's in my blood. I didn't get to hike much after graduating college and starting my career, so I'm very grateful to have found a group that encourages and supports this hobby of mine. It has truly been transformative for me physically and mentally. And it has led to so many adventures! Below are some quick highlights:

Enjoyed a cloudy morning hike with my bubba on his birthday!

Managed to hike Wind Wolves 9 (!!!) times this spring, most solo. Loved it!

GWHLA Malibu Wine Hike
The first time I got to meet most of the other moderators, 
and I got to pet and feed zebras and a giraffe!

Early morning sunrise hikes with Diego at Hart Park were awesome in the spring!

Finished a solo hike with bub in Morro Bay. Beautiful (but hot!)

Faced my fears and tried bouldering at the REI Force of Nature event in May

Completed the Towsley Canyon hike with some of my favorite ladies! <3

Overcame fear and anxiety to summit Mt Baldy with the Climb for Heroes
(I raised over $300!)

Hiked Unal Peak in Sequoia with my bestie in May <3

High above the clouds on a 2-peak summit hike with GWHLA in June

Two days of hiking with some of my favorite kiddos in Colorado and New Mexico during the 4th

In addition to the above, I completed two Whole30 challenges (losing 30 lbs) and finished my annual "Streaking with the Cool Kids" run challenge in June (over 70 miles in June!). 

Man, I owe you guys soooooo many updates. I suck! I am counting down to Kilimanjaro, with less than 22 days to go until I board my plane due east to Africa. For the next 22 days, I have joined a 4 Week Shred that was developed by another Girls Who Hike member, Erika (aka @mysocaledlife). I finished Day 2 today, and it is a butt kicker! Thankfully, I am doing this with my friends, Sharron and Courtney, so hopefully that will keep me on top of it!

I'll try to remember to update this blog more often. No promises that it will get done before my African adventure, but I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, I hope each of you is happy, healthy, and safe! I have a lot of living and training to do this month, so wish me luck! I appreciate all of you!

Until next time...


Monday, November 14, 2016

Running on Empty (I finished Lumiere's Challenge!)

"Go all the way with it. Don't back off. For once, go all the goddam way with what matters."
--- Ernest Hemingway

Well, I did it. The race that I've been blogging about for seemingly forever is now done, and I finished it. And someday, I shall write about it in a way that will be enjoyable to read. Today is not that day. Today I write to express my frustration and whine about still existent pain. And while I'm immensely proud that I finished this race, I'm so sad about how it all turned out.

For those of you in the dark about what I'm talking about, the race I completed last week was called Lumiere's Challenge - a runDisney challenge race which requires participants to complete a 10K and a half marathon in the same weekend (Saturday for the 10K; Sunday for the half). When I signed up for this race in the spring, I thought it was a totally doable challenge. I had run one official half marathon, and completed two other half marathon distances for fun. I had several 5K and 10K races under my belt, and I still had 7 months to train. But things don't always go as I hope and plan for them to go... Training runs get missed; work pressures trump personal goals and personal matters trump everything in-between. Alas, I really gave my training 110% in the last three months, and felt confident about my races for the weeks leading up to race time.

Exactly a week before my race, I got sick. I kept trying to talk myself out of it (ha ha ha) but I was genuinely sick. I couldn't swallow, had difficulty breathing, and couldn't muster up the strength to run more than 3 miles. I had planned that week as a taper week so it really shouldn't have been the end of the world. In typical Becky fashion, however, I let my mind get the better of me and landed in Florida with none of the confidence that I left with in California. I was scared.

My final training run on Thursday went ok - it was hot and muggy in Bonita Springs, but my pacing was on-target. I felt good after my run, and my illness had completely left me. Still, I felt uneasy as I went out for my 10K on Saturday... smart enough to know not to push it, but fearful of going too easy. While my nerves made the first three miles a challenge, miles 4-6 were a breeze. I was perfectly on pace, took my time taking pictures with other runners and the scenery in Epcot, and even ran into a friend I made via Instagram around mile 5. I finished the race feeling pretty good, and a little less fearful of the half that was to follow. 

And then came race day...

Nothing seemed to go right leading up to my half marathon. I didn't sleep well at all the night before, slept in later than I liked the morning of, and hopped on a bus that went the totally wrong way to the starting line. I didn't take the time to eat or drink anything before jumping into my corral, and started off faster than I should have after the gun at the starting line. While the first mile went ok, the next mile was a struggle, and my nerves got the better of me and I had to stop to dry heave on the side of the road by mile 3. Once I collected myself, I felt better... and I finally found my groove around mile 4. Miles 4 and 5 went through Animal Kingdom - a beautiful park with more entertainment than I had seen all day. I felt confident as I waded through the crowd here, even passing the people I had been using as pacers up to that point. I grabbed water at the water stop, and I felt really good...


I'm not sure what happened. I may have tripped on the curb, but a fellow runner said it looked like I fainted. Regardless, I fell. AND I FELL HARD. When I finally snapped out of the haze I was in from falling, I discovered I had a shattered iPhone screen, a badly scraped and bruised left hand, a very swollen and badly bleeding right thumb, two skinned knees, ripped pants, a torn shirt, and a very sore foot. A fellow runner helped pick me up and tried his best to clean me up and keep me away from the crowd. I'm embarrassed to say I was hysterical. I really hope I said thank you (I'm pretty sure I did?), but I just wanted to crawl into that gutter and cry. He helped me for nearly a mile until we reached the medical tent where the volunteers were encouraging me to stop my race. This was near mile 7, meaning I was nearly 1/2 way through with the race. I thanked them but begged to continue... "Just let me see what I can do." 

The next three miles were a combination of ugly crying and limping. Those poor volunteers... every single one of them cringed as I approached for water or Powerade. I don't blame them. I looked more like a zombie from The Walking Dead than like the colorful, bubbly characters typically found in a runDisney race. The next medical tent was at mile 10. The bandages on both of my hands had fallen off by this point, blood smeared into my shirt as I held my thumb against it. I limped into that medical tent and asked if they could wrap my hands instead of slapping a bandaid on, and they complied. Again, they asked if I wanted a medical escort (they were concerned that my thumb was broken and I may have fractured my foot), but I again asked to continue. "I'll hate myself if I stop now."

Shortly after this point, we headed up a cloverleaf leading us on to the final stretch into Epcot. This cloverleaf is highly feared by runDisney regulars for some reason... I only found the banking to be challenging since my foot was hurt, but the elevation wasn't bad at all. As I crossed the road I had just passed, several people around me pointed out that the "balloon ladies" weren't far behind (these are the official race pacers, and are assumed to be the last people in every race before the sweep). There were about 30 people that I could see behind the balloon ladies, but I knew the buses were close by. As soon as I acknowledged that thought in my head, the buses and a police car pulled forward, collecting everyone blocked behind. It was so emotional watching this. Despite my good start and better corral, my injuries had me very close to being in those people's position. Sure, they'd still get their medal... but those in a challenge like me wouldn't get their challenge medal(s), and to be so close and not get to finish would have been heartbreaking!

I silently wept but picked up the pace after witnessing this. A much older lady encouraged me to run down the ramp with her, so I did. It hurt like hell, but I did. My foot was killing me, and I was starting to chaff where my pants and shirt had ripped. We went over one more small overpass before Epcot, and again this lady encouraged me to run down with her. I power walked through Epcot in tears. I couldn't believe I was actually going to finish this half marathon! I came around the last corner just before the finish line and was greeted by a joyous gospel choir. Something about seeing them glow in their warm yellow gowns and hearing them sing songs of praise lifted my spirits, and I started to cry with joy. I had less than a fifth of a mile to go, so I decided to run it. Every single step hurt, but I ran to that finish line. And then I cried again. 

I collected my three medals and headed to the bus. (I earned a medal for finishing the half, a medal for Lumiere's challenge, and a third medal for Coast-to-Coast for running two half marathons in two parks in one year.) I was exhausted, sweaty, dirty, and in tremendous pain. I wanted to celebrate, but I also just really wanted to go home. I threw the medals in my bag and limped my way to the bus. A couple of ladies got on the bus shortly after I did, and I heard one whisper to the other that it looked like I must have been swept. I kind of giggled at that... if they only knew! And I finished with them, not behind them!

It's been a week and a day since that race, and I'm still in a bit of pain. I went to the doctor last Tuesday and nothing was broken. My thumb wasn't as bad as it looked - a chunk of my thumb was torn off, my nail was bent in half, and I sprained it, but none of that requires a cast or surgery. My left hand has mostly healed. Both knees are still very bruised and very swollen, but the foot pain comes and goes. I'll walk ok for a while, but I end up limping by the end of the day. I'm the very definition of a hot mess, my friends! But I'll live. I did the elliptical for about 30 minutes tonight. It hurt, but it didn't kill me. I think I'll stick to yoga for the rest of this week, and try to get back at a normal workout routine next week. We'll see. 

On a somewhat funny note... I actually did try to look up pictures from both races on the runDisney page. My 10K pictures were all there, and weren't bad for the most part, but not a single picture of me exists from my half marathon. My guess is that Disney wants to pretend that their zombie racer never existed! LOL. I kind of wanted to see how bad I looked (based on the gasps I got from volunteers at water stations, I'm guessing I didn't look great), but I thought it was funny that Disney deleted them. Oh well!

Anyway, I really will try to do a better overall recap of both races with pictures later this week. I just needed to vent a little bit about this race since I'm still in pain from it. I'm very proud of myself for finishing this race, and am proud of the progress I've made in the last two years. I missed running, and while I doubt I'll ever be a real runner like I was in my 20s, I'm happy to be back at it again. It's never too late, and you're never too old, my friends. 

Until next time... Cheers!