I Woke Up Like This (Goddamn! Goddamn! Goddamn!)

I wake up lookin' this good

And I wouldn't change it if I could

And you can say what you want I'm the shit

I wish everyone could feel like this

-Beyonce

So, this post is more about body image than fitness I suppose.  For most of my teenage years and through my 20s I struggled with self-esteem issues, insecurity, and my own body image.  I was never large until I got pregnant, but I just felt like I wasn't quite good enough. 

I'm not sure if it was having the kids, turning 30, or something else.  It could be the fact that I almost died (long story).  Also, when I was pregnant, I topped out at 210 so anything smaller than that felt very sexy.  They say that when one grows accustomed to being overweight they feel that way even when they lose the weight.  Perhaps I am suffering for the opposite syndrome.  One day I just woke up feeling very strong and extra sexy and not giving a f%@$!  Why did I care about other people and what they thought?  Do they pay my bills? They sure don't!  Will my husband still hit this?  Absolutely!  I know the kids sure don't care what I look like as long as they're taken care of. If you don't like it, don't look at it.  So simple.

I'm up about 10 pounds from my pre-baby weight (extra soft and curvy, lol).  With the exception of that week before my monthly visitor, I feel like Beyonce 90% of the time.  You should too!  How do you preserve your sexy?  How do you love your body?

Natasha

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Note from Becky:

This body image thing is rough. I grew up sorta average sized and normal looking. I wasn't picked on but I wasn't complimented either. My younger sister (just a grade younger) was the beautiful one, and I was used to it. I floated through high school largely invisible, and I thought that it was ok - better to be invisible to be picked on, I guess. 

College was better - I didn't wake up thinking I was J-Lo, but I didn't feel totally unfortunate looking either. That said, I hung out with insanely pretty girls and that's bound to have an impact on your self esteem. By the time I got through grad school, my self-esteem had hit an all time low and (like Natasha says above), I felt like I just wasn't enough... again.

The end of my 20s was a roller coaster of self-esteem issues. I had more low points than high, with only my time in New Orleans being a time when I felt "enough" - fit enough, pretty enough, smart enough, and fun enough for people to want to be around. Not sure what dropped it down again, but down it went... not recovering until I was in my 30s.

My 30s have been mostly great, especially since moving to California! I don't know when I woke up with the "I woke up like this" attitude Natasha describes above, but somewhere in there I definitely woke up like this - feeling great and embracing my own version of sexy. I mentioned in my selfie post that I've avoided the camera like the plague for years, and I have... it took a new friend and a new attitude to say screw it. I am enough. I may not be Beyonce, but I'm not the troll under the bridge either! Getting fit has nothing to do with vanity at this point... it's more about me doing me, and returning to a lifestyle I once loved and left behind. And if I end up looking like Jennifer Lopez by the end of this? Well, that's just a bonus I guess I'll have to live with :) 

I encourage each of you to find your "sexy." Find what it is about you that makes you YOU, and embrace it. Sure, maybe I could lose a few pounds. Yeah, I wish I could afford to go to a hair stylist in Beverly Hills too. And yes... I wish I wasn't getting those wrinkles in my face I'm seeing more and more of when I look in the mirror. But you know what? We only get one life. This is it. Embrace it, dammit. Life is too short to wish to be more when you're already enough!

Cheers!

Becky

Back to the Gym Blues

As many of my friends, coworkers, family members, and anyone within my social media circles are aware (soooo sorry for being a whiny baby, by the way), I have been sick - really sick - since just before the beginning of the year. And this is no surprise to anyone, especially me. I get sick every year this time of year, although the last 5 years have been particularly bad. I take that back - last year was ok, but I had pneumonia three years in a row the years before that and caught the flu (despite having a flu shot) this year. Frustratingly, doctors haven't been able to explain this phenomenon and so I just do what I can to manage it when I get sick, and make concentrated efforts to prevent it (with varying results) for the rest of the year.

Along with the negative side effects I endure with the medicines prescribed to me when I get sick, I also typically suffer from idontwanna-itis. I don't wanna diet after subsisting on a diet of soup and juice while I was sick. I don't wanna fix myself up after feeling bloated and grey from medicine. I don't wanna workout after spending days of having difficulty breathing. Basically, I throw myself a pity party and decide that I just "wanna" exist, feel better, and try to stay healthy and injury-free for a few days (weeks... months...). It's a very flawed philosophy, and I decided long before the new year that I would fight the idontwanna-itis should it rear its ugly head in 2015 and beyond.

So.... as soon as I could start breathing again, I took the first baby step and started walking my dog again. We didn't go far, mind you. In fact, I probably only walked a total of two miles (split up in two separate walks) that first day. And I felt terrible. The air quality where I live has been horrible (I love you California, but this sucks), and I realize now that those short walks were probably too much considering that I was mostly bedridden for the five days prior. Ugh! So, the next day I walked a little less (about a mile split in two walks), and ever-so-slowly built up to that two mile mark. 

Today I woke up feeling MUCH better finally, a full 14 days after I originally got sick. I'm breathing better, my energy has returned, and my voice is almost back to normal. I decided that today was the day to get back to the gym. Hurray! I was so excited. I couldn't wait to throw on my new compression pants, lace up my Asics, and hit the company gym. I knew I had to take it slower than what I was doing before the holidays, but I was ready.... right?

See that frown on my face up there? Yeah... This wasn't how I thought I'd kick off my fitness efforts in 2015. It wasn't a total loss, mind you, but it wasn't exactly an ideal workout experience.

• Wins
• It felt so good to be back in the gym. I like the routine, and I was happy to be there. 
• I lost weight! I always kickoff my Mondays with a weigh in (usually in the morning, but made an exception today), and I discovered today that I've lost 16 pounds since the end of December. 
• New year, new stock. Everything was in stock again, which was a nice change from December when I had to bring my own towel. (It's the little things...)
• Frustrations
• I work out at the company gym. It's tiny, but it's usually not crowded - especially when I go after 7:30pm. Tonight, I had to wait for my favorite cardio machine. Not a huge deal - I'm just a creature of habit and I'm being honest :)
• The weight loss is good, but it's mostly attributed to a loss of appetite while I was sick. I'm a little concerned that I will gain this all back now that I'm feeling better (although I am going to try to maintain it and keep losing... healthily).
• My body couldn't keep up. While I have been the queen of "occasional fitness" for the last ten years or so, I spent the bulk of my early and mid twenties having a regular gym routine. As such, I knew that I had to reduce my workout intensity and gradually work my way up to my regular fitness level when I returned to the gym. I thought I could do 20% less intensity... I was wrong, and my body quickly told me to cut back.

Returning to the gym after illness or injury is frustrating. It can make you feel as if your previous fitness accomplishments have gone to waste, and that you're starting from ground zero. THIS IS WRONG. While you may need to work your way back up to your previous fitness level, your fitness habits give you a leg up in being successful in same. You know how to train and how to get back to where you need to be. Don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't plan on getting hurt or getting sick, so cut yourself some slack. I'm going to try and remind myself to do the same!

There are a ton of articles on the internet that will offer you tips and tricks for how to return to your fitness regime after illness or injury. I'm not going to link those for you (there are internet search engines for that), but I will share with you my personal "back to healthy" plan:

1. Ease into my workout. I cannot return to the gym with full intensity. This will only prolong any remaining congestion issues, and will likely lead to injury. I'm not a professional or competitive athlete... I don't need to compete with anyone but me. I'll get back to where I want to be, and will improve, with time. 
2. Water, water, water. I will do my best to consume more water throughout the day. This has and will continue to be a challenge for me, but I know it's the best way to hydrate my body. DRINK MORE WATER, BECKY!
3. Vita Health. I began a vitamin regimen last year that worked for me, but I sort of slacked on it at the end of the year. Related or not, I also got sick. I don't want to get sick, so I will start taking my vitamins with more regularity.
4. Feed my face. I like food. (Duh - I wouldn't be a certified chubster if I didn't). And I like healthy food. My goal is to eat at home more, and out less often. I already ate fairly healthy, but it doesn't hurt to try to incorporate more healthy options. It's a lifestyle, not a diet. I want to make sure that the lifestyle I have is healthy and tasty!
5. Listen to my body. Pushing my body beyond its limits, especially if I'm sick, overly tired, injured, or in pain, only hurts me. I need to respect what my body is telling me, and not push it as I have a tendency to do. We only get one body - I need to respect mine more.

I'm going to sleep feeling much better after writing this than I did when I first got home from the gym. I'm sure my thighs will be burning, but I'm glad I went to the gym tonight. And I look forward to returning to it again tomorrow. My motto for 2015? Onward and upward! Hope you're having a healthy week!

Cheers!

Becky

Selfie Sunday (and why gym selfies aren't necessarily a bad thing)

Our generation (and especially the millennial generation) is obsessed with taking pictures. And why not? It's so much easier to take pictures of our every day lives now than it ever has been, and now we don't have to wait an hour at the photo shop to get our pictures developed. I, for one, love this modern development! I take pictures all the time... and receive an expected frequent eye rolling from friends and colleagues. It's ok. I don't mind... pictures are just fun to me!

If you've been following my Facebook, Twitter, or blog for a while, you've probably noticed a marked increase in the number of pictures on there that have included yours truly. I used to hate pictures of myself. Heck, I still do. And for years I did whatever I could to avoid having my picture taken. It's not a vanity thing either way... I just would rather look at pictures of my friends and family or pictures of places I've been then see the same face that I see in the mirror every day. But I met someone last year who encouraged me to take pictures that included pictures of myself, so I started posting them occasionally. And when I committed to a fitness challenge in December, I decided to memorialize the progress with a daily gym selfie. 

Now, I've been lucky that my friends have applauded this effort. They haven't judged me for being vain, or teased me for being one of "those girls" that takes pictures of herself to prove to others that she works out. (Editors Note: I'm totally taking pictures to prove I'm working out... but mostly to prove it to myself, not others). A lot of people have jumped on the gym selfie bandwagon. There are literally thousands of accounts on Instagram dedicated to those pictures alone! Sadly, a lot of those people don't get the same respect I have. Some people accuse them of being vain, and others think that it's just silly. I don't think it's silly... I think it's inspiring! Sure, I'm annoying the 10 friends I have that actually pay attention to my silly posts on social media... but for me, it's motivating. And, as odd as this sounds, it's kind of fun!

Fitday.com wrote a great article about why gym selfies can be helpful, and gave a few etiquette tips - you totally should jump over and read it here. Sadly, the above gym selfie is the last one I got to take. I've been fighting a stupid bug (first strep and flu, now congestion and a cold... ugh!) and haven't worked out since the day before New Year's Eve. But when I return? You bet I'll be taking these silly gym selfies. Even if it's just for me. It's a great way for me to keep myself accountable, and I like that I can review them to note subtle differences in my face and body as I make progress (this is way better than a stupid number on a scale). 

So tell me... what are your gym habits? How do you keep yourself accountable? And how do you track your progress? I'd love to hear from you! 

Cheers!

Becky