Friday, April 1, 2016

The Whole What?

*Please be advised that this post includes references to poop.  Reader discretion advised.

I'm sure that you've heard of this madness called the Whole 30 by now.  The basic premise is that everything that you are eating is making you sick and you need to stop.  When I first heard about this I wasn't particularly interested in eliminating anything from my diet.  My diet was pretty solid until about Halloween, but it's been going downhill pretty steadily since then.  I think I've officially hit rock bottom (see illustration below).  It's true that I've never met a cake, pie, cookie or doughnut that I didn't like.  However, I've just been feeling sick lately.

Fortunately, I don't live in SoCal or Hollywood and no one is looking at my beach body on a regular basis. Even if they were, I've developed the "if you don't like it, don't look at it" attitude with regards to my figure (ah, the blessings of growing older).  I just don't feel good, and something has to give.  When I say I don't feel good, I am talking about being tired ALL THE TIME for no reason.  They say to nap when the baby is napping.  I still do that and my baby is almost 3!  That's two hours that I could be spending binge-watching Hulu or doing laundry ( probably Hulu).  I crave sugar all the time, all day long and I'm grouchy without my morning coffee or Big Gulp.

Also, why is my bra so tight?  Is the dryer shrinking my pants?  Oops!  Lately, I've been afraid to look down.  I've been wearing hoodies and big shirts because I'm afraid to look at and confront whatever lies beneath!  Let's not forget the adult acne issue.  Junk food equals no poop!  Anything that stops traffic in your colon for 4-7 days at a time can't be good for you.  We need roughage!  Fun times all around, I know.

These are all of the reasons that I'm giving Whole 30 a try.  I was thinking about trying the whole moderation thing, but I'm just not good with moderation.  I'm an all or nothing kind of gal.  I almost forgot about the kiddies.  They want to eat sugar all day every day too and that's probably my fault.  My gothic adventure starts today.  I'm going to try to remember why I started and what could possibly be gained.  I can't promise that I'll last 30 days, or even until lunch time, but here's hoping!

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